The Story of Ralph and Joe

28 years ago, on our first date, I thought I was dating a beautiful man with bowed legs. He thought he was dating the actor he saw on TV. Later, I found out that he had a congenital nerve disorder that would worsen and result in an amputation of one of his legs, and he discovered that I was finished with acting and on my way to a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. We instantly fell in love. We revealed much, quickly. But over time, thin layers of persona would fall to reveal the brutal and liberating state of full self-exposure. We coupled but still were slow to fully reveal. Many more veils would drop before we would truly stand naked and vulnerable in front of each other and the world.

We were a serodiscordant couple. I had lost the only two men I'd ever loved just a short time prior. I was terrified as I was working in AIDS hospice care at the time. He said: “Give me 5 good years, I'll be gone, and you can find someone else”. Trauma and fear had us hide parts of ourselves from the other, even as we sought to connect. Years later, we're still here because we dared to expose more and hide less in the service of forged intimacy.

We've always sought transparency. To be naked, seen completely by another is an act of bravery. At times we have concealed ourselves from the fully exposed terror of intimacy. And other times we have stood together veiled from full view in a world hostile to our union. It protects, shields and envelopes each of us, both of us.

-Ralph Bruneau